Learning how to become an intuitive eater after you’ve spent decades following diet-related food plans can feel overwhelming. Unless you have a step-by-step map to guide you through the process.
I was recently reminded about how helpful maps can be. On a recent Savor Food and Body Outdoor Adventure…
“Did you bring the map?” I asked as we continued hiking uphill on a trail that should have been going down into a valley to a junction where we’d pick up a trail to take us back to the car.
“Nope, I just looked at the map on my phone before we left,” he said.
Ugh, hiking lesson number 1, always bring an updated paper map. I knew better. I had a map with me, but it was outdated and didn’t cover the area we were in. Time to turn around – especially with thunderstorms in the distance.
When you start a new adventure, you feel the excitement. You anticipate the gorgeous views and the thought that somehow this adventure will change you.
Similar to the start of a new diet, right?
The excitement that you’ll have more confidence in your body after losing weight (this plan has got to work better than the last one).
The anticipation of how people will react by giving you compliments to validate your effort.
And if you follow the plan (the map), you’re promised that it’ll take you where you want to go. You’ll get to the smaller jeans size, have more energy, feel more confident, be more fit, and be your healthiest self – even after 40.
But what happens when that map doesn’t take you where you think you want to go? Like when the map is based on the outdated mentality of calories in calories out.
Frustrated you decided to turn around. Back to eating whatever, whenever you want, and feeling like you’ve failed at healthy eating (aka lose weight) again
Then you hear about Intuitive Eating, the evidence-based practice that says you already have an accurate map to reach your health goals. You Google how to become an intuitive eater.
At first glance, Intuitive Eating can come off as a feeding frenzy with no regard for health. Contrary to misguided opinions, Intuitive Eating is rooted in the philosophy of Health At Every Size and the Social Determinants of Health.
Intuitive Eating is a life-long practice centered on mindfulness and self-compassion. It teaches you to become an intuitive eater by reading your internal map for how to take care of yourself based on your definition of health.
When you first try eating intuitively, it’s common to feel unsure if you’re doing it right. I’ll admit I was confused about how to become an intuitive eater when I first heard about it too.
After my exploration and helping many women in midlife become intuitive eaters, I decided to make a map of the 4 Stages of Intuitive Eating
A map that clients can follow so that they don’t get lost in the weeds of fuckit or binge eating. A map that showed them how to trust their bodies again after decades of roller-coaster weight cycling and during unexplained weight gain due to perimenopause.
When you start Intuitive Eating, you probably want to know if you’ll lose weight. How long will it take to become an intuitive eater? It will improve your health, decrease your hot flashes, give you more energy, and improve sleep. And what do you do if you mess up?
To answer those questions, I created a map of the stages of Intuitive Eating that I’ve used to support clients over the years – especially women in midlife.
Stage 1 – Reject restriction (aka diet mentality)
When you’ve been on and off diet plans over the years, it’s scary to let yourself eat foods that you otherwise would have considered off-limits. And when you do allow yourself to eat them, it’s tempting to get back on track with restriction.
Become aware of your urge to restrict, recognize where those messages come from, and give yourself compassion. That’s how you’ve learned to care for yourself all these years – by restricting unhealthy, bad foods. And now you’re ready for a new way of relating to food and your body.
Stage 2 – Full permission with food creates trust between your body and food by allowing access to enough food of any kind – especially the previously off-limits foods
It lets your body know that there will always be more chips, cookies, candy, chocolate, bread, and whatever foods have been on your do-not-eat lists over the years. This will help you feel less chaotic around food in general.
Full permission also means that you don’t need justification for your food choices (including using exercise to earn food). If diet mentality thoughts (i.e. the urge to restrict) come up, notice them. Increase your awareness of the thoughts without judging them or yourself for having them. This is another opportunity to give yourself compassion and remember that Intuitive Eating is a practice. You’re building a new set of skills to help you relate to food, which takes time.
Stage 3 – Body equanimity, finding peace with your current body
In this stage, you’ll likely be more sensitive to hearing comments related to body shame and discrimination either directed toward you or others.
You’ll start to realize how pervasive body shaming is in our culture and realize that you can never be thin enough, fit enough, or attractive enough to satisfy the illusionary beauty ideals. If you’re a woman over 40, you may start noticing that you’re becoming invisible to the attractive gaze, which can feel jarring, but has tremendous opportunity for freedom to be your sassy, badass, midlife self!
This is the stage where you’ll start separating exercise from weight loss and embracing movement your body enjoys for the sake of moving, not trying to change how your body looks.
It can take a full calendar year to hone your body equanimity skills as you get used to seasonal clothing changes, holidays, work or social events, and navigating diet culture-influenced seasons (i.e. January – national dieting month or spring – beach body prep).
If you feel the urge to get discouraged, take a beat and remember this is a practice. You’re honing your intuitive wisdom skills and creating a healthy life-long relationship with your body. Take all the time you need. It’s worth it!
Stage 4 – Putting all the stages together in a nuanced practice that supports body changes throughout life
In this stage, the dieting mind becomes quiet and your ability to notice dieting thoughts without judgment or reaction becomes stronger.
You’re able to ignore critical thoughts about foods, health, and your body. And your ability to speak up against diet culture with clarity and compassion becomes a part of your identity and commitment to undieting your life by savoring food and your body.
Pro Tip: While these stages make Intuitive Eating seem like a linear practice, there is often overlap between the stages, especially 2-3. This is why working with a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor can help you to create a solid intuitive eating practice.
