It doesn’t matter where you fall on the body image spectrum, the point is to find body acceptance whenever possible. How? By accepting your ancestral beauty.
5 months ago I started a new relationship at the seasoned age of 44. I’d been in a very stuck relationship with the same guy for 14 years.
I’ve mentioned the new guy here before.
What I haven’t told you is the body image story I told myself that nearly kept me from saying yes to our first date.
As part of my body acceptance journey during perimenopause, I told myself, I’d be ok if I were with a guy who’s taller than me with an athletic build. I didn’t want to be the larger person in the relationship.
Yep. How’s that for internalized weight stigma and fatphobia?
I thought if my body was smaller, I’d be more feminine. This mindset is also what keeps women submissive in relationships – potentially.
After 14 years with a guy who was taller than me, I eventually stopped noticing how my body image affected our relationship. Until we finally parted ways.
When the bike guy entered my life and confirmed yes, he did want to do more than ride bikes with me…my critical self-talk reared its ugly judgemental head.
“He’s smaller than you. What if you gain weight during menopause? He won’t find you attractive anymore. Will he still want to be with you if you can’t ride as fast? The shitstorm of assumptions and critical judgments was loud. Could I do this? Date a guy who’s smaller than me?
But if I say now, doesn’t that mean I’m shamming him for his body? What about my professional philosophy that all bodies are good bodies, worthy of love, connection, and companionship?
I felt like a hypocrite. I knew I had to change my mindset or potentially miss a great experience – one I needed after 14 years of stuckness.
Body image thoughts, positive and negative, come and go like the spring weather.
Don’t you like the 13 inches of snow that fell randomly overnight? (#mountainlife)
Wait 2 days and it’ll be 55 degrees and sunny.
Much like the hunger-fullness spectrum, body image flows along a spectrum between body hate and radical body love.
It doesn’t matter where you fall on that spectrum at any given moment. The point is to find body acceptance or body neutrality whenever possible.
Last week I told you about my body image training experience with The Body Positive. The Ancestral Beauty activity was one of the most impactful of the entire weekend for me.
We were asked to reflect on who in our family our body closely resembled – especially the part of our body we didn’t like or felt shame about.
For me, it’s my legs. I’d always thought my legs were too big and unfeminine. Until my parents went to Montenegro in Eastern Europe where my Dad’s family is from.
On the trip, my parents met one of my Dad’s distant cousins who is a hiking guide. The family homestead is high in the mountains and my ancestors had to hike their meat and produce to market in a larger village several miles below the homestead. They had to have strong legs to make a living.
Now, this distant cousin still makes a living with his strong legs as a hiking guide. When my Dad told his cousin he has always loved living near the mountains, the cousin answered, “Of course, it’s in your genes!”
Large, strong legs are in my genes!
I decided to stop wasting my time and energy hating my big, strong legs. Instead, I committed to hike and bike to as many beautiful places as I can while I still can – and take other women with me!
Just like my cousin and ancestors before him, I make a living off my strong legs by encouraging other women in midlife to connect with their bodies through outdoor adventures whenever possible. I’d much rather spend my time and energy counting miles, smiles, and gorgeous views with amazing women than on body shame.
Give this a try. Here’s the Ancestral Beauty reflection activity from The Body Positive:
This writing activity can be done many times as you uncover more of the amazing aspects of your beauty and are curious as to where they came from.
What aspects of your beauty did you inherit from your ancestors? Maybe you got your nose from your grandmother, and your knees from your father. Perhaps you inherited your great-great grandfather’s musical talent, or your handwriting resembles that of your uncles.
Note: If you don’t know any of your ancestors or don’t feel connected to the ones you have, use your imagination to create the ones you want, or find your beauty in people you know.
If body image is a challenge for you, I highly recommend joining me inside the Midlife Feast Community hosted by Dr. Jenn Salib Huber RD ND.
An amazing learning library inside the community will help you find body acceptance in midlife no matter where you are in your undieting journey. Body Acceptance is our theme for the next two months.
You’ll also get live group calls dedicated to helping you and other women in the community find body acceptance.
The conversations among group members so far have been supportive and inspiring. I hope you join us!
Click here to learn more about becoming a “Feaster.”
Use the promo code AMANDA for 50% off your first month of membership.
